THE LITE NEWS VOLUME VII

What a start to a new session. The media has been frothing at the mouth trying to get the Conservatives to admit that they want an election. It doesn’t seem to matter that this issue has been answered ad nauseum, the hounds are relentless. Meanwhile, the Conservatives say that it is up to Jack Layton and the NDP as to when the writ will fall. Jack and the guys say its up to the Liberals, and how they behave, and the Liberals are accusing the Conservatives of being gung-ho. Up until now, the only honest bunch has been the Conservatives. All 3 parties want an election, all for different reasons, except the Liberal Party and the More Liberal Party are afraid to tell the voters the truth. Paul Martin wants to go before Gomery while his numbers are high, Jack and the guys think they can do well, but don’t want to upset the $5 billion dollar apple cart.

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Madame Jean has pleased the left with her announcement that she will not swear on the Bible. All of those who for weeks now have laid on their beds sweating can finally get some rest. There has been no word yet whether she has made a George Bush voodoo doll, but we’re checking. As you are aware, separation of church and state has been redefined as separation of Christianity and state. The prime minister may still visit Sikh temples and celebrations, as well as muslim festivals. NOTE TO MAINSTREAM PRESS: On those days, the word ‘religion’ is to be substituted with ‘diversity’.

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In other news, the government of George Bush has cut off funding to the United Nations Population Fund, a fund that China was using to force abortions and sterilization on its women who contravened the “One Child” act. Canada has agreed to pick up some of the funding. Way to support women.

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India’s backing of a resolution at the United Nations condemning Iran’s nuclear subterfuge is paying off. In July, George Bush signed a US-India nuclear deal with India’s Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. While that agreement is being stalled in the U.S. Congress, Canada has agreed to relax its sanctions on nuclear technology with India. A nuclear non-proliferation expert in New Delhi, Bharat Karnad, has implied it is at Washington’s insistence that Canada changed its policy on Monday, the first day back for the fall sitting of the Canadian Parliament. It was not known whether Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew made the announcement from Ottawa or Paris. It must be noted that India refused to sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Other countries that signed the deal now feel that they have been betrayed.

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ABC debuted its newest sick-com last night, Commander-In-Chief. It stars no other than Geena Davis as president, in an attempt to soften up Americans to consider their own Madame Hillary in 2008. While no official declaration has been made by the love spurned Mrs. Clinton, most of us can see it coming. It is the explanation as to why her politics have been pulling to the right for some time now. I guess we will just have to wait and see on this one. I love saying “I told you so.”

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Al-Qaeda’s number 2 man in Iraq was reportedly killed in an American assault in Baghdad Tuesday. The militant Abu Azzam, no relation to the comic character Shazam, was shot when he refused to surrender. Insurgents expressed outrage at the killing, stating that they had hoped to see Azzam blow himself up.

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A powerful 7.5 magnitude earthquake ripped through northern Peru on Sunday, taking the life of one soul. Experts are desperately trying to figure how they can blame this on George. W. Bush.

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That wraps up today’s lite look at the way things are in Canada .