THE LITE NEWS VOLUME VI

Gillette has released a new razor in their continuing battle for market share with rival Schick. The new 5 bladed razor will come with a trimmer on the back for those with a moustache and beard. Personally, this writer has a hard enough time not carving his face with the two razor flavor. Five is just getting scary now.

Global warming has come about as a complete surprise to many scientists. In fact, many of their predecessors were totally convinced that we were on our way to freezing to death. Planning had even begun on the idea of covering the ice caps to promote their melting, the Journal Science reported.It seems that with new satellite imagery, some genius noticed that there was way more snow on the ground in the January pics than there was just last summer. Shortly after announcing that they had more proof to back the theory up than they could process, the next pictures revealed drastic melting of the snow cover. Now we were facing a newer crisis, global warming. Yes, July in Canada can be brutal on that all important snow cover. Melts almost every year in most parts. I thought that this was only the four seasons thing.

Ralph Goodale, talking to a business group in Montreal, Finance Minister Ralph Goodale said that his government “doesn’t lend itself to a simple solution.” We know that already, Ralph. He was of course referring to continued demands that the Liberal government reduce the taxes on gasoline. Mr. Goodale said that this would make no difference. Apparently Ralph doesn’t commute everyday like some of my neighbors who are being strangled by the rising cost of fuel.

Seniors, aboriginals and businesses will benefit from British Columbia’s rising economic fortunes, B.C. Finance Minister Carole Taylor said Wednesday as she presented the Liberal budget. What happened to the taxpayer? I guess they don’t rate for a break or some relief. At least we now have Liberal governments singing our “lower taxes” melody. The numbers don’t lie, higher taxes stifle economic activity, thus lowering the revenue that the government receives. They are finally getting it.

A Hong Kong woman has sued Rolex, the world’s premiere watch maker, saying that the label caused her mental trauma. Just think what it was doing to the poor guy next to you on the airplane, lady. He ran a company and couldn’t afford one, but had to stare at yours for 7 hours. She goes on to say that the watch label caused her to break out in a rash, and that she ultimately had to wear long sleeves. Why is there so much suffering in this world?

It seems the Alaska Zoo has a problem. Maggie the elephant is putting on the pounds, and just won’t take up jogging. The solution? Have a custom made 15,000 plus pound treadmill built for her to use. Well, the treadmill, after some serious designing, has arrived. However, like most geniuses today who build stuff just because they can, no one has figured out how to make her actually use it. It seems that their $5 a month promo offer didn’t catch her attention. Maybe the entire zoo staff can have their next staff meeting on it.

Outgoing governor-general Adrienne Clarkson has announced a new hockey cup for women’s hockey to be presented in her name. The move was proclaimed to be the ultimate act of humility. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. It seems that the teams wanting to win the cup must have wasted the most money and played the most ‘away’ games the previous year. Ms. Clarkson has yet to announce whether she will take her cup on a world tour before leaving.

Foreign Affairs minister Pierre Pettigrew has justified taking his chauffeur on 2 international trips, costing you and me more than $10,000. The rub? He was never driving Mr. Pettigrew. When asked about the expenses, Mr. Pettigrew stated that he thought that his entire staff should understand his job. Will his plumber then be attending the next G8 summit? I’m sorry, but your driver is not required to understand foreign affairs, and I am beginning to wonder if this man even understands domestic affairs. Why does everyone miss the obvious questions? While the news outlets keep asking why he took his driver that didn’t drive, I want to know exactly how does one rack up $10,000 in expenses in 18 days? Do none of these liberals have to account for their flagrant disregard for the Canadian taxpayer? $10,000 for 2 trips. Say it a couple of times. We are getting ripped off by a bunch of thieving opportunists.

That wraps up today’s lite look at the way things are in Canada.