THE LITE NEWS VOLUME V

Interesting news out of Canton, Ohio. It seems at one high school there are 490 female students, and of those, 65 are pregnant. Timken High School officials have stated that they don’t know the reason for the increase. Now I’m no gynecologist, but I bet it has something to do with premarital sex. If it turns out I’m right, I would truly appreciate an honorary doctorate from someone. I am hoping someone in Ohio can let me know what this school board eventually spends on studies to figure this one out. By the way, since when was it any concern of school boards what one’s sex life is about? Teach our kids math and english. It seems that many of these teens will opt out of school, thus reducing the boards chance of increasing its state funding. Ah, there it is. It isn’t about the kids, it’s the money.

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In a new religious freedom dispute, Sikhs working at CP Rail are outraged that the company is now requiring all drivers to wear hard hat protection. Notice the word ‘all’, as in everybody. It seems that the Sikh employees are unwilling to remove their turbans to accommodate the safety rule. They now threaten to take CP Rail to the Human Rights Commission. Why is it that everything that happens in our country costs taxpayers more and more. There are a few very simple solutions to this problem.

1) Write a law stating that employees who choose of their own volition to not protect themselves have no, none, zero, chance or opportunity to sue either the government or the company when they are injured or incapacitated. Also take away their health benefits and any insurance they may have. Once injured, the company may terminate their employment without prejudice.
2) Make your turban out of industrial plastic.
3) Hire an origami expert and some silk weavers to teach these men how to wrap their turbans so they look like a hard hat. They could preferably use bright yellow turbans.

Of course there is no need for any of these as we all know how this one will turn out.

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The Toronto Sun is apparently considering changing its name to the Homolka Times. It seems that a day doesn’t pass where the “Little Paper That Grew” doesn’t peddle the wares of this creature. They have gone beyond obsession and are now at the fixation stage. To the editors of the Toronto Sun. “We don’t care.”

This issue will apparently never be laid to rest, nor will the memories of those horrible crimes. The paper in question has gone way past reporting to a new type of journalistic ambulance chasing. It is just shameful. Hopefully they will focus on something that matters soon. Or not.

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On the labor front, the Liberals are considering legislating an end to the CBC strike. (No, not really.) It seems that Canadians are being exposed to alternative news sources, thus decaying decades of social engineering and political spin. The results of this could be disastrous, such as Canadians learning the truth about corruption in the Liberal Party, the truth about how bad our medical system is compared to other similar systems throughout the world, the truth about Stephen Harper and the Conservatives. The list is huge, but these are some of the panic factors that our government is currently dealing with.

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A Cindy Sheehan thought. There 00 mothers who have lost children who were fighting in Iraq. Why do we only know the name of one of them? Answer: Because she is anti-Bush and helps to promote the agenda that the leftist media denies that it has. Such a sad situation when one as confused as Cindy is exploited like this.

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The OPP are reported to be ready to announce a plan to disband the “Highway Rangers” team, the elite force of highway officers set up after photo radar was disbanded. This unit was created to bring order back to our roads and to reduce the carnage. As Conservative MPP Bill Runciman put it, “To put speeders and aggressive drivers at a lower priority than seatbelts is mind-boggling.” Well said, Bob. It seems that the officers in the program will now be targeting impaired driving and seat belt violators. When is the last time you were passed by a drunk? Personally, the two twits dragging through heavy highway traffic at outrageous speed are scarier. I have seen many close calls, and many that turned into accidents. As for seat belt violators, who cares? They are only hurting themselves, and I have yet to here someone say “Look! No seatbelt on that guy! He is putting us all at risk!”

I suppose it doesn’t present a danger when a driver blows by you at 150 and then quickly does 3 or 4 lane changes. I think I’ll start driving with my eyes closed.

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Our prime minister has vowed to strike back at the U.S. for them not adhering to the free trade agreement. It seems that when the U.S. loses in court, it wishes to negotiate. This no doubt is caused by special interest groups and state governers. Paul Martin has stated that Canada will respond. The little details such as how, when, and where presently escape our team. They are on their way to the World Trade Organization to “ask permission” to slap duties on American goods. Ask permission? Is this a joke? Since when do we need to ask to exercise our sovereignty? I must have missed that class.

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The Oshawa General Hospital, a fine place unless you are sick, has sent out their quarterly magazine this week. It is called Vim & Vigor, and is produced by the Oshawa Hospital Foundation. Upon calling the foundation this week to ask whether the money spent on producing a magazine which yields the same information that one can obtain elsewhere, I was told that it is paid for by advertisers. Notice how my question was not answered. When I asked why the magazine was printing and mailing this magazine in the United States, the person on the phone said, “I don’t know about those things.” Hmm. It just seemed odd that a book written for Oshawa and mailed to a house in Oshawa would be printed and mailed from another country. Is it just me?

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A doctor in New Hampshire found himself the recipient of a complaint that went as far as the New Hampshire Board of Medicine and eventually the attorney gerneral’s office. His crime? He told an overweight patient that she was overweight, and that she should join a group of loke-minded people to shed the pounds that were going to kill her. The nerve! What was he thinking?

Dr. Terry Bennett says he tells obese patients their weight is bad for their health and their love lives. He says, “I told a fat woman she was obese. I tried to get her attention. I told her she needed to get on a program, join a group of like-minded people and peel off the weight that is going to kill you.” Good thing she wasn’t a smoker, too.

How many of you agree that the same woman’s family would probably sue the doctor if she were to die of obesity, had he not told her it was bad for her health? Sometimes you’re darned if you do, and darned if you don’t.

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In Russia today, two bombs exploded on a roadside in Ingushetia, wounding the southern Russian republic’s prime minister in an apparent assassination attempt. It is the latest sign of growing violence across the heavily Muslim North Caucasus region.

Prime Minister Ibragim Malsagov was hospitalized after the attack in the city of Nazran, but his life was not in danger, an aide to the Kremlin envoy to the region reported.

As of press time, evangelist Pat Robertson had not been implicated in the plot.

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That wraps up today’s lite look at the way things are in our world.