THE LITE NEWS VOLUME IV

As news surrounding the apparent separatist viewpoint of his newest appointment spread like wildfire, when asked about Michäelle Jean’s past record, Prime Minister Paul Martin was thought to have said, “I just can’t help meddling in Quebec’s affairs.”

The CBC has locked out their workers in a contract dispute. It seems that the pressing issue is who gets to butter up the Liberals the most for the next four years, to place them in line to be the next governor-general, seeing as how the last two were CBC journalists.

As well, NDP MP Charlie Angus stated that the “CBC is a really important voice for Canadians. Here in Northern Ontario people listen to that voice, they look for it, they need it and I don’t think we’re sending a good signal by having it off the air for any length of time.” Apparently Mr. Angus is unaware of satellite TV and the fact that we have schools in the north now. Too funny.

In a stunning revelation, Barbara Walters, media sweetheart, gave away their biggest secret. While heaping praise on the late Peter Jennings, she says “What made Peter so great was that he knew there was no such thing as the truth.” That’s news to the rest of us Barbara. You now join the ranks of other Liberals like Ken Dryden who aren’t too sure of much of anything. And stop using dead people to further your cause.

Doing a turn about, or a flip-flop as it is known in politics, the Liberal government has announced that it will indeed help to refurbish the Point Lepreau nuclear plant in New Brunswick. In an odd turn, the deal requires the contractors to fix the plant for a fixed price. This leads to almost no room for corruption and paybacks. As a result, liberal contractors have shunned the job. The federal government has cancelled the 6.2 trillion Duracell batteries it had ordered to replace the plant.

The American Civil Liberties Union is challenging the Boy Scouts of America. They feel that they should not be using government land or buildings. It seems the ACLU is upset that they discriminate against, are you ready, girls. It just keeps getting weirder, doesn’t it?

The Golden Gate chapter of Planned Parenthood was doing some web editing this week when a blatantly anti-Christian video was reported about on their site. It seems that they didn’t want anyone but impressionable youth watching it. They have since pulled the video, but we still found it. You can watch it here, or here, but do it before you eat your breakfast. It is always fun to learn what they are teaching in our schools. Apparently, all that is needed to not get a disease is to not plan on it. Great advice. I’m itchy all of a sudden.

In the latest round of discussions at the border, guards are once again asking to be armed. The response has been that ‘guns are bad.’ Our customs officials are now being taught to “stop, drop, and roll.” Hey, it works for the other “fire.”

That wraps up today’s lite look at the way things are in Canada.