IT OUGHTTA BE ILLEGAL

I think that I have come up with the ultimate leftist law. I want to outlaw dying. Why tackle this thing one issue at a time?

A long time ago, a man (or woman,) (or other,) could get out of bed and do whatever the hay he (or she) (or it) chose to do. If he wanted to get on his horse and ride off into the sunset he could. If he wanted to ride off of a cliff, he could do that too.

Thank goodness riding off a cliff is illegal now. It used to be that if a man wanted to , he could. Whether it was fast, like *POW*, or slow, as in a cigarette, it was no one else’s business. Now it seems as though the state has a say on anything and everything, and their biggest fear is death. It must be, because they spend so much time trying to figure out what’s causing it.

It seems that we can’t go out into the sun, we can’t eat red meat, we have to wear light clothing at night to ward off mosquitoes. We have to ban cigarettes, fatty foods are on their way out. Alcohol will be removed shortly. If we watch tv, we should do it on a treadmill, as a sedimentary lifestyle leads to heart disease.

If it’s too hot, the air is bad, don’t breathe. Buckle up, put on your helmet, and don’t mess with those airbags, that’s against the law. We have banned baby walkers that move, scooters will be next. Officials somewhere are almost sure that going into the water without a life preserver should be illegal.

We have outlawed guns, we regulate drugs and dangerous chemicals. We tell people how to do this, when to do that, and we do it all in the name of safety. We are told time and again the ice caps are melting, threatening our weather, and that we are do for some climate shifting resulting in catastrophic storms. Superbugs are just around the corner, probably coming from some condemned market in China, you wait and see!

If you take aspirin, you made ward off a heart attack or stroke, eating healthy can ward off heart disease. Walking briskly can extend your life by 5 minutes, unless that smog thing is happening. Green veggies are good for you, red wine is a good source of anti-oxidants. Use sunscreen with a Plutonium 6 rating to stave off melanoma.

For the love of Pete, have I missed anything?

I have come to a conclusion. It has taken me a long time to come up with this hypothesis, and I haven’t asked the government for a loan, an institution for a grant, nor have I had to waste 15 years in a lab. Are you ready?

We are ALL going to die of something.

Instead of worrying about it constantly, get out and live!