GOOD MARRIAGES AREN’T JUST LUCK, THEY’RE DECISIONS

Have you ever wondered why some couples seem to get along so well, but in your home there is constant strife? It could be that your partner simply does not wish to be there with you any longer, but chances are there are just as many signals emanating from your corner.

Once in awhile I find myself having a lack of enthusiasm for my partner. After being together for 18 years, 16 of them in marriage, one can, frankly, grow bored of their other half. I have also discovered the cause of this romantic apathy; it is myself.

I believe that as we get older, we have a responsibility to teach not only our own children our values and lessons learned, but also the entire upcoming generation. So far, I don’t see what I have learned being taught.

There is no shortage of media when it comes to separation and divorce. It seems that almost every movie out there has somebody leaving, breaking up, or getting over something. If it isn’t that, then it is the old Hollywood favourite, adultery. Yes, if I were to believe my eyes, I would soon begin to think that there was something seriously wrong with me. After all, I have been faithful and monogamous for 18 years now. Why haven’t I had the courage to bed somebody new? The reason, of course, is that I constantly purpose to love not only my wife, but my entire family.

I am thankful that once in awhile I see my wife looking kind of blue. She gets melancholy and will usually tell me that there is nothing wrong. This is frustrating for us men, of course, but I have found that there is usually a simply cure for what is ailing her. Miraculously, the cure helps both of us and our children, too.

Whenever my wife doesn’t seem to be riding on air, I usually go into self-inspection mode. It is then that I realize that I, in my usual stupidity and everyday humanness, have once again stopped appreciating her. I have slipped back into that groove where I simply take her for granted.

Once the realization sets in, I begin to imagine how my life would be worth so much less if she were to ever find a good enough reason to surrender her commitment to our home. I don’t think that my wife would ever leave me, but I feel no need to take that chance or to even give the thought the remotest chance of becoming my future history.

Time and again, I have found myself wanting when it pertains to the treatment of my wife and children. I fall into a groove and a pattern of indifference. We do, of course, need those times to disconnect and hear ourselves think, but those times should be quick and fleeting. Our families need our attention much more than we need ourselves.

Just a while back, I noticed the glazed over look in my wonderful wife’s eyes, and it scared me. I never want her to feel that this is not the place that she wants to be. She is the cornerstone of our home and one of the main reasons our children are so well-behaved and respectful. She is the light of my life and the one who holds me up. Why then have I forgotten this in such a short time?

The remedy was simple. I purchased her some flowers. Not just any flowers, but a certain mixture of blooms that have come to signify not only my love for her, but the longevity of it. I often include a rose of a certain colour which I have told her means ‘forever’. That little thought means the world to her.

Forever, to be sure, is a lot of work. Some days I just don’t have the energy, but since the current composition of my family is so appealing, I always find somewhere to summon a little more of it from a hidden reserve.

If you are married to a wonderful woman, one whom you have entrusted with your heart, your mind, and who you have found worthy to bear your children, then you must at times remember to break out of the rut of everydayness and tell her how much she is worth.

You don’t need to spend a great deal of money. In fact, that should be a no-no. What you do need to do is to treat her like a queen because she is, after all, the queen of your heart. Make or order a special dinner. Light some candles and put on some soft music. When she asks you what the occasion is, tell her you were driving home and it occurred that you hadn’t appreciated her in a long time and that you are sorry. You will renew her spirit and her love for you.

That is what is wrong with a great deal of our homes. There is a lack of effort on our parts to do something for the other and to forget what it is that we want. We must remember the natural needs of those whom we love so much and we must attempt to the best of our abilities to meet those needs.

One more thing for the men out there. It is something that I have dealt with a lot, and something that I hear and see everyday. When that woman that you see everyday catches your eye, think of your wife. When you are flattered by a female and it goes to your head and your ego, think of your wife. When you see a beautiful young woman, one much younger than the woman you married, picture your wife when she was younger, because that ‘young thing’ is only a fleeting glimpse of the beauty that was, and still is, your wife.

I find that there is no shortage of temptation out there. It is everywhere and sometimes I find it a very worthy opponent. But oppose it I do. We must keep our spouses close to our hearts and our minds. If we do that, we also earn the respect of our children.

We must purpose to have good marriages. They are not simply random happenings.